December is usually my favorite month. I love the anticipatory feelings before Christmas. I’m a dreamer, and thinking of the joy and happiness that my friends and family will experience at the upcoming holidays fills me with love. But I know that there are years when those dreams aren’t possible; when the holidays bring more sadness than joy; and when you quite honestly don’t even know if you want to celebrate the season at all.
I know because I’ve had at least three or four years like that already in my life, and am currently struggling with whether or not to celebrate the holidays as I usually do right now. As you may know from previous posts, a family member of mine had a stroke and is in the hospital with complications. Knowing this, and seeing how hard it is every day for this person to just get through makes me wonder if its right for me to feel joyful or happy right now. I almost feel guilty when I feel that Christmas spirit slipping into my soul.
I could feel my heart ache inside me.
After thinking about this for several days, I had an epiphany. There is the common saying among writers that you can’t write about what you don’t know. Well, you also can’t share what you don’t have. If I don’t have any happiness or cheer inside myself, how can I bring anything like that to my relative who will need it more than ever this year? I realized that being joyful and happy isn’t a selfish act, especially when you want to share that with people that you love.
Have you gone through a difficult holiday? How did you cope? Please share as it may help others.