What happens when you’ve been on the outs with Jesus and your faith life? Yesterday I mentioned that I have been having a hard time praying—and I felt as if my prayers were going nowhere fast. This isn’t the first time in my life this has happened. It may not be the last. But the thing that keeps me holding on to my faith in times when I can’t “feel it” is the fact that my life just doesn’t make sense without it.
Catholicism is embedded into my very being and it colors all that I do—from minor things like how I spend my spare time to important matters like how I view my friendships and my marriage. My religious beliefs make me ask questions I probably wouldn’t ask otherwise such as: Is my time being used to strengthen friendships?, or to better myself?, or to bring me closer to God? Or, Am I doing all I can for my husband? Am I helping him as much as I can as a wife? OR am I thinking only about myself?
When my faith falters, I falter as well. One significant alteration I notice is that my demeanor towards other people changes—I become more bitter and selfish. (I’m not saying that Catholicism or religion makes people less bitter and selfish, I know a few religious folks who are quite bitter and selfish. I’m just saying that for me, I notice my mood and outlook changes.)
Generally my spiritual life goes by the wayside when things are tough. It reminds me of boxing, and the movie Rocky. When Rocky is in the ring, he’s focused on the task at hand—surviving and winning. He may forget in the moment that in his corner is Mickey. It’s the same for us. Jesus is always in our corner, waiting for us, cheering us on.
And I know that Jesus will be there for all the rounds in my life, first, second, third. No matter how many times I go in and forget that he’s there, he’ll take me back and fix me up.