Lately, I have been going through a brief period of spiritual darkness. The once bright spark of hope and faith that I had within me seems to have grown dimmer in the past few days as I struggle through some hardships with my life. I have learned that there is a certain kind of ebb and flow of faith throughout life, but every time there is an ebb, I worry.
And worry is one of the things that God tells us not to do. Even during the Mass, the priest asks God to protect us from all anxiety. And yet, I worry. I worry that the flow won’t come back. That perhaps God will abandon me. I’m not the only one who worries about these things, I am sure. I think that a lot of it has to do with the type of world we live in. Our culture tells us that we have to earn everything we want. I worry that perhaps I am not praying the right way, or reading the right things, or thinking the right thoughts. I worry that I will lose the spark of faith that is inside of me.
I look to earn back my faith as if it is a prize awarded by God for good behavior. I try to pray extra hard, or extra long, or with more fervor than you could imagine. I do that until I am exhausted. And do you know what happens? Nothing. Because faith and hope and love are gifts given to us freely by God. We don’t have to earn them. It’s a lesson that I am just beginning to learn.
Please share how you ride the ebb and flow of faith in your own life. Others may find your words helpful in their life.